Daily Archive for December 8th, 2006

Apple = No Go

Published
by
jk
on December 8, 2006
in Personal
. Comments

Yeap. It’s final. No matter how well things went… they went with a more senior candidate. I guess that’s not that bad… but I really want to keep in close contact with Erik Hendrickson… he seems like he’s the “key to the mint” in Raj’s words. Definitely the doorkeeper to all things awesome and Apple. Such a friendly guy… And now… I am set. Even more than 75%… now more like 90%… that I’ll be here. With jobs popping up (I might get a third eventually, doing the same stuff with the water quality collection) here and there… I want to stay.

Reasons? People. Church. Atmosphere. Possibility for an MBA. Growth.

Growth? Yeah, growth. I feel like I’ll be able to become more independent and more responsible as I’m a bit away from my family. I feel like I’ve been very dependent, not in the sense that I was living at home now and then, but also mentally. I had a phone call with my dad today, and it seemed like he was… hmm… he wasn’t disappointed that I didn’t get the Apple job, but that he wanted something better for me. He sees that getting a stable job in a big firm is the best way to go. He likened my situation to soldiers being trained for the army, and I’m the one that wants to stay back in the barracks.

While I don’t think he’ll ever get the side of me that wants to continue freelancing. Freelancing is very… freeing. Just yesterday night… I worked like 6 hours straight to finish up a template for a job. I freaking enjoyed every second of it, even though I pulled out all my hair, dealing with silly mistakes and browser incompetences. I don’t mind living like this for a year or two.

At the end of our conversation, my dad stressed that I don’t have to report to him as much, that I just need to show the outcome. I think it’s true that I love my parents dearly and really want their support… almost… require it. I need to move away from that and be more forceful in the way I live my life.

To be less fearful… to be more fearless. In all things. Not just the relationship with my parents, but with friends as well.

I find it extremely difficult to show my weaknesses. I hide them deep, wrap them in conundrums and surround them with booby traps, so that maybe… possibly… when that person comes and pokes around…

Ugh. Sappy. Okay, the point? I listen to the words of those that I love. And I have way too much love to give… I’m a ticking bomb of love, just waiting to explode in ways of time, thought, money, service… But the question is… what’s appropriate to give and to whom should I give to?

And why the heck am I asking these questions? Can’t I just put them in a box and go get some work done? Hmm.

Faith: God puts exactly the right amount of things on my plate to think about. I have not had to and will not have to feel I’m being crushed at the weight of my own thinking. Wow. I never thought about it that way before… I think just enough… because God “blessed” (no matter how much I think of it as a curse sometimes) me with such a brain with a penchant for over-analyzing.

And so, onwards to the next fight. To the next battle.

The weekend awaits.

The Wee Hours of the Night

Published
by
jk
on December 8, 2006
in Personal
. Comments

I feel like a student. But not really… Being here in Siebel at 3 in the morning… I feel like a CS student.

I guess another set of congratulations is in order. I found my second “job”… actually, it’s more like I’m working part time (”half time” is the phrase they keep using, but man, it’s still part time) for two different departments under the college of Education. Pay is what I expected, but what’s more is that I feel like I’ll be doing something I enjoy… a LOT more than had I been forced to do something. I feel like for this job I’ll have some degree of freedom… to learn and to explore more and more… What’s funny is that this means… I’ll be here for at least one more semester.

Which brings me to question… why? Why am I still here on campus after I graduated? For some of my friends, they are confused when they find this out. One part of me says… this is the place to be. I made the active choice to come back, and to seek out job positions here. For some reason, the job market is better than Cincinnati… not only because they like to hire student programmers, but I’m talking post-graduation or graduate school programming positions. Of course, Cincinnati has some great opportunities, but it’s just not the type of working atmosphere for me.

Another positive is if I really do decide to get an MBA here… tuition waver is a possibility, if not, then in-state tuition is a definite.

Something about being on campus… it makes me feel alive. Let’s not going in the fact that I feel younger, too… but it’s something about this place. It’s not just the people, nor is it just about the church… or the familiar faces and buildings… It’s something in the air.

However, I still await to hear from Apple. It almost seems like that ship has sailed. I think the Valley is out of reach until after a couple years or so… meh.

I guess the choice was made to stay when I got that WIMPE/CRCE membership here on campus (the rec center). Or… maybe it happened even earlier. Now to… find a place to stay for at least the next half year.

Then what? I don’t know.

Even now, I’m only about 75% sure about coming back here… I should since my job’s going to require me to be actually in town… but man, so many uncertainties.

And so… my schedule… for next week is going to be interesting. I’m going to have to go in to work early in the day, finish up the freelance job in the afternoon, and do some coding for myself at night. It’s going to be a busy rest of 2006.