Monthly Archive for December, 2006

Apple = No Go

Published
by
jk
on December 8, 2006
in Personal
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Yeap. It’s final. No matter how well things went… they went with a more senior candidate. I guess that’s not that bad… but I really want to keep in close contact with Erik Hendrickson… he seems like he’s the “key to the mint” in Raj’s words. Definitely the doorkeeper to all things awesome and Apple. Such a friendly guy… And now… I am set. Even more than 75%… now more like 90%… that I’ll be here. With jobs popping up (I might get a third eventually, doing the same stuff with the water quality collection) here and there… I want to stay.

Reasons? People. Church. Atmosphere. Possibility for an MBA. Growth.

Growth? Yeah, growth. I feel like I’ll be able to become more independent and more responsible as I’m a bit away from my family. I feel like I’ve been very dependent, not in the sense that I was living at home now and then, but also mentally. I had a phone call with my dad today, and it seemed like he was… hmm… he wasn’t disappointed that I didn’t get the Apple job, but that he wanted something better for me. He sees that getting a stable job in a big firm is the best way to go. He likened my situation to soldiers being trained for the army, and I’m the one that wants to stay back in the barracks.

While I don’t think he’ll ever get the side of me that wants to continue freelancing. Freelancing is very… freeing. Just yesterday night… I worked like 6 hours straight to finish up a template for a job. I freaking enjoyed every second of it, even though I pulled out all my hair, dealing with silly mistakes and browser incompetences. I don’t mind living like this for a year or two.

At the end of our conversation, my dad stressed that I don’t have to report to him as much, that I just need to show the outcome. I think it’s true that I love my parents dearly and really want their support… almost… require it. I need to move away from that and be more forceful in the way I live my life.

To be less fearful… to be more fearless. In all things. Not just the relationship with my parents, but with friends as well.

I find it extremely difficult to show my weaknesses. I hide them deep, wrap them in conundrums and surround them with booby traps, so that maybe… possibly… when that person comes and pokes around…

Ugh. Sappy. Okay, the point? I listen to the words of those that I love. And I have way too much love to give… I’m a ticking bomb of love, just waiting to explode in ways of time, thought, money, service… But the question is… what’s appropriate to give and to whom should I give to?

And why the heck am I asking these questions? Can’t I just put them in a box and go get some work done? Hmm.

Faith: God puts exactly the right amount of things on my plate to think about. I have not had to and will not have to feel I’m being crushed at the weight of my own thinking. Wow. I never thought about it that way before… I think just enough… because God “blessed” (no matter how much I think of it as a curse sometimes) me with such a brain with a penchant for over-analyzing.

And so, onwards to the next fight. To the next battle.

The weekend awaits.

The Wee Hours of the Night

Published
by
jk
on December 8, 2006
in Personal
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I feel like a student. But not really… Being here in Siebel at 3 in the morning… I feel like a CS student.

I guess another set of congratulations is in order. I found my second “job”… actually, it’s more like I’m working part time (”half time” is the phrase they keep using, but man, it’s still part time) for two different departments under the college of Education. Pay is what I expected, but what’s more is that I feel like I’ll be doing something I enjoy… a LOT more than had I been forced to do something. I feel like for this job I’ll have some degree of freedom… to learn and to explore more and more… What’s funny is that this means… I’ll be here for at least one more semester.

Which brings me to question… why? Why am I still here on campus after I graduated? For some of my friends, they are confused when they find this out. One part of me says… this is the place to be. I made the active choice to come back, and to seek out job positions here. For some reason, the job market is better than Cincinnati… not only because they like to hire student programmers, but I’m talking post-graduation or graduate school programming positions. Of course, Cincinnati has some great opportunities, but it’s just not the type of working atmosphere for me.

Another positive is if I really do decide to get an MBA here… tuition waver is a possibility, if not, then in-state tuition is a definite.

Something about being on campus… it makes me feel alive. Let’s not going in the fact that I feel younger, too… but it’s something about this place. It’s not just the people, nor is it just about the church… or the familiar faces and buildings… It’s something in the air.

However, I still await to hear from Apple. It almost seems like that ship has sailed. I think the Valley is out of reach until after a couple years or so… meh.

I guess the choice was made to stay when I got that WIMPE/CRCE membership here on campus (the rec center). Or… maybe it happened even earlier. Now to… find a place to stay for at least the next half year.

Then what? I don’t know.

Even now, I’m only about 75% sure about coming back here… I should since my job’s going to require me to be actually in town… but man, so many uncertainties.

And so… my schedule… for next week is going to be interesting. I’m going to have to go in to work early in the day, finish up the freelance job in the afternoon, and do some coding for myself at night. It’s going to be a busy rest of 2006.

Josh Kim is Still Up

Published
by
jk
on December 5, 2006
in Personal
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What the freak? It’s almost 5!

I have a hard time motivating myself from time to time. I think the past 4 months have been that way… and it’s slowly coming undone. I think tomorrow will continue this trend.

I have an interview for a “half-time” (whatever that means…) position here on campus. It would be nice to have a constant stream of income, rather than just relying on freelancing alone. But this depends on if I want to do freelancing for a little longer… I will be sending an email to Apple tomorrow to figure out what is going on with the job that I might or might not have. Laundry Day… and met up with my roommates from last year. I definitely got to play some Guitar Hero 2 with them… and share some good times. Then Grainger, then the Perkins at 1 AM. Oh man… and now Siebel since 3.

The days are too fast. Not only because the sun comes out for like 3 hours a day, but also because the pace I’m running seems to be so fast. I feel like I’m missing a lot…

Well… to continue working or to sleep. Hmm.

Busy Day, Busy Week

Published
by
jk
on December 4, 2006
in Personal
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Sunday. I heard one of the longest sermons ever in the times I’ve been at CFC. I feel like I have application points for a whole month after this one… but what followed was one of those moments were the sermon just became so very applicable.

Kim offered to swipe me in for lunch at the ISR cafeteria. From there, I met all these fantastic (and might I add, young) freshmen. Starting with the three I drove to church, Tiffany, Inyoung, and Alex (Psych, Pre-Med/Bio, and ChemE), and with the random Freshmen I met, Tim, Taylor, David… crap, I forgot someone’s name… Sorry…

Regardless, I tried my best to really get to know these guys. I felt soooo out of place and sooo very old. I got a glimpse of what my leaders must have felt… cuz man, they’re REALLY old. Moving on…

I must have wasted like 4 hours today, just doing nothing. But after that, it was go time. I got some email back for my job, and I see how I’m going to be spending the rest of the week doing work. I went to grainger, met up with Emily and went to Noodle’s. It’s not so bad, but it’s too expensive for what they give you… Starbuck’s and a return trip back to Grainger.

And so I’m here. After running into Mike Cho again, discussing corporate tax issues, as well as getting a random call from my Aunt about my cousin and college and such… man, it was a busy day. I don’t know if it was all 100% effective busy-ness, but I definitely feel tired. If I did go to WIMPE with Colin and Dean… things would have been bad. Not only will my chest and triceps be on fire, my biceps would be also… curses, soreness, curses.

Tomorrow schedule… Hmm… Get up, and work. I need to get myself to WIMPE. This is a must. As well as continuing on with work and things I need to get done for my own personal goals…

Life… is fun.

Hebrews 4

Published
by
jk
on December 2, 2006
in God and the Bible
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v 15, 16 “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

When I think of Jesus, I still cannot see Him being temped with the same things I’m tempted with. For some reason, the specifics of my sin just doesn’t match up… I know he was tempted, just like any human being, but he wasn’t able to sin…

I just can’t see Jesus being lazy. I can’t even see Jesus being hungry… even know I know he fasted for 40 days. For some reason, it has never hit me so hard until now… Jesus, did you really get tempted in the ways I get tempted now? I find it almost impossible… but he endured it, and was a stunning example of how we should all be… not just bottling it in, but truly understanding the temptation, and even, using it to help others that are tempted in that same way.

Every day is my time of need. Every day I must seek his grace and mercy… EVERY DAY.

Application: I don’t know why, but I’ve been trying to go through a page out of my Hanja workbook every day. It seems that that has become more important than opening up the Word. I’m going to not touch that Hanja book until I finish one of these posts, and pray through it. Hopefully, I can do so in the mornings… morning QTs seem like more effective, since the lesson is more fresh in your head.

I guess I should try to get up even earlier than 9. If I could force myself to leave the library at 12, and go to bed at 1… and get 6 to 7 hours of sleep, and wake up at around 7…

Prayer Request: I still have NO clue as to if I should stay on campus. As money problems become more and more apparent, it would be best to reduce the cost of living by moving back… but really, I would love to continue to interface with the people here in IL and return to playing a larger role with the church. I need to look to the core of the matter, rather than just being back and forth listing out pros and cons. Please pray that I’ll be able to hear God’s wisdom through it all…

Also, next client. I was able to secure my first client, thank God. But now, after that’s done, where to go? The life of a freelancer is tough, what can I say…