Making every single move in life so grandiose is never a good thing. Dreams of fanfare rollouts and rockstar parties… I don’t know how my imagination took me so far that it crippled my down-to-earth desire to make something better. These are statements fraught with over-arching statements about my life. See how meta this all can become?

What This Time?

It’s been a while since I had a meta post. It where I try and think about what all of this is about. Of course, “all” in the past sentence, hopefully, will contain mostly about this blog itself, less this post will burst into a book I’ll never write.

The question that haunts my mind as I try to blog usually starts with a “Why?”. But let’s start with what.

What?: Topics Of Interest

There are a couple posts in the works… but I’m just seeing a trend in what I want to write about. I feel like my mind has a predisposition for these sort of things.

• As the gamer in me comes out into full swing, my desire to post on it has grown. The medium and the business world of video games is an amazingly intricate one. Very slowly, I’m beginning to accept that gaming is much more than simply a facet of entertainment… it can be more powerful in some ways compared to traditional, and even, “new” media.

• As the development speeds up (and winds down, for some) on my various projects, I’ve become interested in blogging about the process that’s going through my mind. I might as well start up a vlog to capture some of it.

• As the business side of my mind develops steadily, I’m beginning to see just how hard and easy some of this stuff is. I want to track this mental development, also.

• And as always, I’m retardedly pensive. I have a couple of posts in beta, talking about people and relationships again. Ugh.

But these are just topics. But then, what are the motives behind blogging it all?

Motive #1: The Desire To Write It ALL Down

This has to be one of the top reasons. There’s this huge desire in me to track it all. Eventually, computers will be able to capture all of a person’s sensory data; I just don’t know when that’ll happen. But when it does, the problem becomes filtering out the noise, and keeping all the great memories. If I ever need closure or need to win an argument over when happened where, I know I’ll be able to refer back to that day and time.

What I have to realize here is that while this serves a great purpose for me, it’s almost useless at times. There’s no way I’ll be able to sit down and consume all that information again at a later time… by that point, I’ll be generating even more data, and I won’t have time to go back to it all.

So it’s… this moderation business again. Which I fail at, constantly.

What happens with me is that I tend to become completely handicapped at the moment I realize I can’t track something involved with bettering myself. I need to keep a daily log of miles ran, feeds read, songs listened to… more or less, NUMBERS. Lots of data points. This is why I love going to Google Analytics from time to time.

Conclusion: This motive will never go away. It’s just understanding that a whole lot of people won’t care much about (unless I somehow become famous or the events I write about are worthy of attention) and a very few people will care a lot posts of this nature. More or less, the “Personal” category has been fulfilling this need… when I do post.

Motive #2: The Desire To Be Kept Accountable

When I make todo lists on this site, I do not because of motive #1, but also so that people can call me out. I’m hoping that guilt of not being able to meet my own standards of awesome will goad me into doing something.

It’s worked, on a couple occasions. I’d like to think that things that make it on the public todo list are quite doable… it’s when I can’t achieve those goals that things get mighty annoying.

Conclusion: I’m going to continue to do this. Whenever I can. It’s my blog, after all. Just like the Twitter Updates, I’m going to consider making this not a part of the feed. Because of motive #1, these goals have to be tracked somewhere… not just in a bug/feature tracker, but in a life tracker. Once again, thinking too big…

Motive #3: The Desire To Seem Awesome

Pride.

Writing about what I’ve bought or what I’ve done or this and that… I have to realize that everything I do will be tainted by this. Guilt will lurk in every action as soon as I give it a moment’s thought.

Conclusion: Stop thinking. Just write. I try to keep it as humble as possible, but it’s hard when I’m so awesome. Um. Right.

Okay, For Realz: The lists that I make in #2 has a tendency to shoot a little higher. When those goals aren’t met, I tend to not write about the failures all too much. Of course, I shouldn’t have to write on every single way I suck here, but when it makes sense… Man, I just need to learn some moderation.

Motive #4: The Desire To Monetize It ALL

While I may enjoy writing on completely random topics, the problem comes in when I want to monetize everything and anything I do. I have to learn to give this up. The desire to actually kill two birds (these birds being creating content and making income) is so suffocating that I’ve almost been led to post on certain topics over and over again.

Conclusion: Monetize elsewhere. Stop caring about being so freaking efficient. Just write what you write.. at least, write something of value. Be proud of what you do write, but don’t pander too much to money. Let the money come to you. Try to throw in a couple product placements, but that’s because I love Amazon so freaking much. And you can’t monetize 90% of this site anyway, seeing how it’s more or less “Personal”. So, stop.

And Just Because

Exactly.

I need to realize that while I have readers, I still have full control on what makes it up here. I need to reduce that awkwardness… that friction that saps away the desire to post. That way, something will stick. Something will make it.

Must. Keep. Going. I feel so much like a teenager when I write posts like this…

Let’s Do It Live

So many things to write on… so many new topics sitting in my TextMate project… Will they ever see the light of day? Will my forearms ever stop hurting again? Will Gadgetget ever get “started”?