It’s so hard to start blog posts these days. So I’ll start like this.
I’m once again only beginning to realize how hard things will be. And this is a good thing. Of course, difficulty is in the eye of the beholder. Some may thing that my (restarting) regimen of going to the gym daily in this subzero weather is difficult.
I guess the viewpoint changes when one finds the task at hand to be interesting or rudimentary. Interesting to the point where there is nothing else in the world that person can do to scratch the itch of feeling purposeful in the world or rudimentary to the point where there is no way not to scratch it (excuse the double negative).
A Look Back
It’s been a tough eleven months. Struggling with all sorts of medical problems, to which I have not seen the end to really… all the while, fighting myself to commit to work and projects.
Of course, video games took a hold during the last half of this year, which I have yet to write on because of said obsession. But I can feel it in my bones… if I could find blogging not so difficult.
At one point, the words to type sparked out of my fingers. I believe that was around the time before I found Twitter. Twitter became a crutch; a place to quickly throw out an idea or a remark and be done with it. It’s definitely a useful tool grown out of a definite need of a lot of people (just not sure if it’s most people, but who cares about them, right?). Since then, it’s gotten harder to post a lengthy comment on anything, really.
But you see, this post in it of itself is the purest embodiment of procrastination. It’s easier to write a blog post than to code, at this current juncture in time: It’s easier to write about it than to do it.
It’s time to make some hard changes to make sure things are kept interesting. It’s time to cultivate good habits so that things become rudimentary.
Historian/Documentarian/Procrastinator
One huge takeaway from today is the realization that this incessant need to record and to analyze everything in life is borne from the innermost desire to procrastinate. Why look to the future when there’s so much in the past?
All the while, I agree with that innermost desire… that things do need to be recorded. Things like financial data that can prove useful. But what happens then? It gets difficult again, seeing the amount of freaking data I’d have to filter through. Remember the blog unification project? I haven’t touched that for months because of how annoying the dataset is.
So I get stuck. So I get confused. I turn to the next shiny object and think about why I got attracted to it in the first place.
A nice tall stack gets created. Stack overflow? You betcha.
When i think about the crazy super important people in history, they didn’t keep a Life Management System running around somewhere, thinking that one day when they get famous, they’ll use that data to share it with others.
The Blog
So that brings me to another thing about this blog. Is it really just a chalice for my brain to spill into? I keep coming back to this point because everything I do must have a purpose. It just has to.
Why? Not sure. But with that kind of viewpoint, I’m bound to do some stupid things. I’ll chew on this why question later while I’m doing something boring.
Previously, there was a desire to monetize everything I did. While that desire still exists to some extent, I’m seeing that purpose doesn’t have to include money.
So maybe this blog is to just increase my influence? To whom? To the few that read it?
Back To Procrastination
During this last month, I’m going to give it yet another go.
What is “it”? It’s comprised of a lot of things that continue to exist on my list. The question is do I make this list public and make sure that I am forced to do most of it through crushing guilt in not being able to be the person that I promised to become; “The Checker of Checklists”.
More later. Must sleep.