It’s one of those posts, isn’t it?

You betcha. Josh Kim’s patented really-vague-for-everyone-else-but-to-the-point-for-those-that-it-applies-to post. I mean, I could have just as easily not made this public, but that just isn’t as fun.

What triggered it this time?

Certain memories have re-entered into the front of my mind. It’s pretty intriguing to see how they ended up there. Going into how they ended up there would reveal too much of whatever I’m talking about. (And to the tell you the truth, it’s just a lot of little things. Nothing like me running over someone with my car or anything.)

At this point, I’m wondering how much I can wonder. I’m questioning just how much more I can question. Won’t I ever get tired of this? The thing is, though, that questions borne new questions. But even more meta than that is the amazement at the number of CPU cycles I’m squandering at this ridiculous past.

But I must retain, at the same time, what needs to be retained while forgetting

I’m not learning to forgive: I’m just forgetting to remember. I’m losing this skill that I thought to be a gift.

Sidenote: I’m realizing that I no longer writing in questions. I’m writing in sentences, often starting with “I’m”. Hmm.

Pain was dealt to me. Pain was dealt to others. Unfairly or not, the pain exist. The fact is that there was and (if I can help it… or not… do I want closure?) will not be closure. I’m still not sure if it’s the lack of closure that’s bothering more or the fact that things didn’t end up anywhere close how I envisioned them to end up being.

Sidenote: At one point in my life, people mattered. They mattered so much that a lot of things were thrown out the window: Then reality set in. I became even more bitter than I was before.

Brought to you partially by: John Reuben’s “Time to Leave”

Be alert, pay attention

(One day) Even your friends will become the competition

Trust no one but do remember this, never burn any potential bridges

Know who’s who, and what they can do for you

And don’t feel bad cause’ in the end they’re gonna do it to you too

Remember life’s not fair

In order to maintain, your gonna have to let you sensitivity be trained

A machine more than a human being

What you say doesn’t always have to be what you mean

Tell them what they want to hear if it’s to your benefit

And words beyond closed doors are insignificant

Push yourself, never be satisfied

Even if you don’t get it, at least you died knowing you tried

Born, live, strive, succeed

Gain it all, bye, now it’s time to leave…

Now, all we see is now.

So lessons? Takeaways?

I’m still learning from it all. I’m learning that I have to start from square one, yet again, with people. I have to give it another chance. And I have a feeling I’m going to have to give them another chance again later down the line.

For some reason, my closest friends I do not regard as people. This statement was why I got into trouble in the first place. Being able to figure out who your friends are is an amazingly important trait that I thought I had. Too bad I had to learn it in such a harsh way.

To give without the thought of taking, and knowing full well that they will do the same. It’s amazing when two or more people meet with that in mind.

You’re yammering away. Back to the point.

Right. Point.

As I continue with HanMeta, a company that will have to deal with users of its products, I’ll try to look back to this said event with a very sober eye. It’s really hard, though, because people will be (hopefully) using the products. People.

If only my view on humanity didn’t die with my friendship with these people, things might be a little different.

This post has no structure, Josh Kim.

Yeah, I know. And I’m pretty sure I’m not even going to fix any grammatical or structural errors. I just had to write it down somewhere.

Is my hope that someone reads this and figures it out? Eh. I think the side of me that wants closure does. But the side that wants to go kill a whole bunch of people doesn’t. Heh. Fuel. I love it.

I need to find a purveyor of caffeine, so I can get cracking on this GadgetGet business. Or write a post. Or something.