Tag Archive for 'frustration'

Lack of Understanding?

Published
by
jk
on January 15, 2007
in God and the Bible
. Comments

I was waiting for the day when I could say this:

I think I’m reading the Bible too much.

I feel like I can’t stop it.

But still… I can’t stop sinning.

I accidentally thought that I would become a better Christian just by reading and reading.

Maybe the words aren’t staying in my heart… or I’m just reading the words like nothing.

Should I start memorizing again? Yet ANOTHER thing to add on the list of things to do? Oyez… another text file containing lots of little verses? I guess I could put it into a TextMate project…

Well… I should be typing out my quiet times anyway.

But seriously, am I using the Bible as a means to escape actually solving anything? Is that possible?

I guess it’s better than not reading… but man, I hate being inefficient.

Must not give way to complacency… always fighting? I’m tired as it is… but strength comes from somewhere not within.

Must not give way to normalcy… making lists, and crossing things off…

Why is this so hard? Someone come knock some sense into me. Anyone?

Pray and pray and pray… and yet, things of this world continue to harass and confuse me.

Ugh. Holy frustration is still… frustration. It’s not fun at all.

But to depend… but to keep up my faith…

God, help me to focus. Give me focus and more focus. Focus in work, people, life.

Proverbs 2:5-6

Published
by
jk
on January 14, 2007
in God and the Bible
. Comments

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Going through proverbs has been amazing. More about wisdom… and how much I need to respect and fear God which comes naturally with humility.

I get quite frustrated at my faults. I don’t like how “sin” can be something I can cross off my list of things. No matter how many times I cross it off, it seems like the line either disappears or I wasn’t using a thick enough pen. It discourages me… it makes me want to get a thicker pen.

But you see, as long as we fight… but I feel like I’m not fighting enough… my hearts in it, but I’m just not going the extra mile.

It seems like when the storm hits, I feel happy. For some reason, I’m hanging onto the Word a lot stronger than before… and I don’t run away from the problems as much. Rather than thinking back to only those sermons and small group Bible studies and random talks with people and my own understanding, I’m going to the Source of it all.

Need to keep fighting. Need to keep searching. Need to keep growing.

Even though it seems like the journey is like a bazillion miles long. The wait, the goal, even the journey, is well worth it.